A lot of people don’t know this, but Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was ruined for me as a frustrated little middle schooler because one of the tracks on the film’s soundtrack was called “Qui-Gon’s Noble End”. I was devastated because of all the Episode I toys I had, his was easily the most badass (of the good guys, I mean).
Here’s something else you might not know. The plot for The Phantom Menace leaked before the film and Weird Al Yankovich reportedly wrote a song before the film’s premiere that was based on said leaks. We know it today as “The Saga Begins” – a hysterical parody on Don McLean’s “American Pie” that sums up the events of Episode I with impressive accuracy.
What I’m trying to say here is that leaks are a big part of the Star Wars experience if you follow Star Wars like I do – maniacally. This is due in part because Lucasfilm puts everything under lock and key and almost begs for that information to get out, but also because lately there’s been a lot of time in between trailers and we just get bored.
New Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker from Reddit
Try to imagine my surprise when I logged onto Reddit and saw that the moderator of the StarWarsLeaks sub posted about leaks from his “sources” that outline the entire plot of The Rise of Skywalker. I read them. I mean, of course I did – I really can’t help myself. Plus I was fairly sure they were bullshit anyway.
With an operation like Lucasfilm, no one person aside from J.J. Abrams, Kathleen Kennedy, and the franchise’s composer John Williams truly know how all of the pieces go together. Perhaps a scene might have leaked or perhaps a call sheet- but the whole thing? Yeah. That’s a bet I was willing to take.
What I read surprised me and certainly not for the right reasons.
It was absolute horseshit.
What do the new Star Wars leaks say?
Spoilers ahead. Avert your eyes if you don’t want even the possibility of The Rise Of Skywalker being spoiled.
Ok, so this is where I’ve gotta say – It’s possible I could be wrong and all of this is true, which would be case A.
And, B. I was wrong and my everlasting shame will be known forever. Also, I want to give the original author (u/JediPaxis) the benefit of the doubt – I believe someone posing as a credible source gave him this information. If he made it up, however, shame on you and your entire family.
What I read surprised me and certainly not for the right reasons. It was absolute horseshit.
I sum up the entire “story” on my *new* YouTube channel Jedi Enclave, but here’s the gist – Palpatine is alive, having never actually died at the end of Jedi, he has a fleet of Death Star Destoyers, Rey is apparently the granddaughter of Palpatine, Kylo is killed after being redeemed, Palpatine dies at the hands of Force Ghost Luke and Leia, and Rey renames herself “Rey Skywalker”.
Why are these new Star Wars leaks bullshit?
Read more: Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker Will Feature A Major Battle Between SPOILER And Palpatine
So the first red flag for all of this is how the story generally reads like average-but-not-terrible Star Wars fan fiction. It’s about on par with my The Last Jedi rewrite (which will also be on my channel).
There are a lot of extremely convenient plot devices like Kylo always knowing where to find the good guys with no reasonable explanation, two out of three of the only black characters having dramatically revealed to be related (seriously?), Leia’s last-minute Force Ghost training, and the entire idea of Death Star Destroyers (they’re just Star Destroyers but can destroy an entire planet).
There are a couple of things I believe to be extremely compelling points that tip us off that the leaks are probably false:
- Reportedly Force Ghost Leia and Luke defeat Palpatine in the end. We all know, of course, that Carrie Fisher passed away tragically before Last Jedi premiered and they’re using deleted footage from her role in The Force Awakens. How exactly is it possible that her performance from The Force Awakens (none of which were action sequences) can be used in a Force Ghost battle with Palpatine?
- Han appears as a Force Ghost to convert Kylo to the light. I’m almost positive this cannot be done unless the person is Force-sensitive, which he is not.ham
- The entire premise of Palpatine surviving his Darth-Vader-assisted fall in Jedi is insurmountable. Palpatine died that day. I’m pretty sure the shaft barfed up what was left of his spirit when all of the creepy blue smog shoots up after he’s thrown overboard.
Secret reshoots? Are you kidding me!
To add to the sketch factor of this – there’s a disclaimer at the beginning of each leak segment that warns, because of extensive secret reshoots, all of this could suddenly and dramatically change. Are you kidding me? First, the entire notion that the picture is undergoing secret reshoots is false, I believe.
Reshoots in their very nature cannot be secret because of their very nature – they’re sudden changes in everyone’s schedules and they can’t hide actors suddenly returning to filming locations, and The Rise of Skywalker already had its round of reshoots early this year. Also, it’s way too convenient to have a built-in bullshit defence when your predictions end up being a hoax.
I asked u/JediPaxis some questions about his source. I knew he couldn’t say who they were, but why should we think they’re relevant? Do they work at Lucasfilm or are they a barista across the street from Pinewood Studios and once saw Mark Hamill come in for a tall double skinny vanilla latte steamed to kid’s temperature? His answer? Well. There was no answer. Just one singular downvote.
In any case, following what was the most divisive Star Wars film to date regardless of what side you’re on, The Rise of Skywalker is being watched very carefully by fans and the expectations are extremely high. It’s absolutely asinine to author your own fan faction and push it as an actual leak of the film.
In the case that I’m wrong? Well. I guess one of my favourite writers and directors of all time writes really shitty Star Wars fan fiction and who wants to exist in a world where that is true?
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