Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Mélanie Laurent, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Adria Arjona, Corey Hawkins, Ben Hardy, and Dave Franco
OK, let’s get one thing straight. Anybody who tries to tell you that Netflix’s new Michael Bay movie, 6 Underground, is the director’s return to form, they’re either lying, or they’re being sarcastic (insinuating that Bay never had any form).
What I will say about this movie, is that it’s definitely ‘un film de Michael Bay’, in the sense that he’s kind of become an ‘auteur’ filmmaker in this own right.
I can’t think of any other filmmaker out there making these bombastic, nonsensical and borderline sexist movies on such a massive scale as he is.
If I told you that Netflix forked over $150 million to get this film made, I’m pretty sure you’ll roll your eyes up at me and say, “no. How much did they really spend…”
Netflix spent $150 million on 6 Underground
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I’m not lying. This film’s budget is over $150 million, and I can tell you that not one cent of that money went to trying to develop an actually coherent script.
This film was ‘written’ (I use that word very lightly) by Deadpool writers Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese and I think we’re starting to see the limits of their abilities as scriptwriters – the limits being, let’s just get Ryan Reynolds to be Ryan Reynolds, and then have some explosions put in the mix.
Seems like the perfect film for Michael Bay to direct, who I’m becoming more and more certain is actually a fifteen-year-old trapped inside the body of a middle-aged man.
The guy is literally a teenager. Big explosions. Check. Shots of women’s bums. Check. Shots of women in bikinis. Check. Scenes with big guns. Check. Scenes with fast cars. Check. Scenes of gratuitous violence. Check.
6 Underground, just like most of Bay’s movies, is a teenage boy’s dream movie. It’s got everything a teenage boy would want, but what it doesn’t have is a plot.
Michael Bay is a teenager trapped in a middle-aged man’s body
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Let’s just list some of the problems with this film, and I won’t go into all of them because I don’t have space and frankly, I can’t be bothered.
6 Underground’s plot makes no sense. It’s so dumb and annoying that I don’t want to describe what this film is about. What I will say is that Ryan Reynolds plays a billionaire who brings together a team of people to stage a coup. That’s all you’re getting because that’s the extent of it.
6 Underground’s editing is terrible. The music is awful (honestly, Muse shouldn’t be heard in a movie ever again). The shacky cam is vomit-inducing. There are a stupid number of continuity errors (and when you actually start noticing them, then it becomes an issue). Not one of these characters talks like a normal human being. And the jokes aren’t funny.
There are an awful amount of other things wrong with this film, but they’re just too many to list here.
However, the most blatantly obvious thing is that Ryan Reynolds is just not funny any more. He’s been doing the same thing over and over again for what seems like years now.
Ryan Reynolds’ shtick is getting very old
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He’s literally playing Deadpool in every film he’s in, and the reason is because he’s just playing himself. Ryan Reynolds is a guy who loves to joke around and make quips, no matter whether they’re funny or not.
He’s easily the most one-note actor working in Hollywood today, and he was probably paid a huge amount to be in this movie.
There is one saving grace in 6 Underground and that’s Mélanie Laurent, who plays an ex-CIA agent called 2. She’s brilliant, and I couldn’t stop thinking that I wanted a movie with just here in it.
She’s so much better than anybody else in the movie, and she was the one reason why I watched until the end.
All this to say, that Netflix’s 6 Underground needs to be buried deep underground. It doesn’t need to be seen, but it’ll probably be one of Netflix’s most-streamed movies, just like Bright was, and they’ll make a sequel.
Thank God for Mélanie Lauren in 6 Underground
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Oh, how disappointing life can be sometimes.
6 Underground is available to stream now on Netflix.
Have you seen 6 Underground? If so, what did you think of it? Let us know in the comments below.
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